A Leap of Faith

Naturally, I turn to books to express the thoughts and struggles within my mind. It is comforting to know that my struggle to accept the notion of a Holy Creator is not unique. Authors, especially Fyodor Dostoevsky, are able to e.x.a.c.t.l.y. express the faintest, most undeveloped thoughts that are tumbling around in my silly little brain.

"Is there in the whole world a being who would have the right to forgive and could forgive? I don't want harmony. From love for humanity I don't want it. I would rather be left with the unavenged suffering. I would rather remain with my unavenged suffering and unsatisfied indignation, even if I were wrong. Besides, too high a price is asked for harmony; it's beyond our means to pay so much to enter on it. And so I hasten to give back my entrance ticket, and if I am an honest man I am bound to give it back as soon as possible. And that I am doing. It's not God that I don't accept, Alyosha, only I most respectfully return him the ticket." {Ivan, to Alyosha}

"That's rebellion," murmered Alyosha, looking down.



"It's not that I don't accept God, you must understand; it's the world created by Him I don't and cannot accept." {Ivan, to Alyosha}


"But hesitation, anxiety, the struggle between belief and disbelief—all that is sometimes such a torment for a conscientious man like yourself, that it's better to hang oneself. . . . I'm leading you alternately between belief and disbelief, and I have my own purpose in doing so. A new method, sir: when you've completely lost faith in me, then you'll immediately start convincing me to my face that I am not a dream but a reality—I know you know; and then my goal will be achieved. And it is a noble goal. I will sow a just a tiny seed of faith in you, and from it an oak will grow—and such an oak that you, sitting in that oak, will want to join 'the desert fathers and the blameless women'; because secretly you want that ver-ry, ver-ry much." {Satan, to Ivan}


"I have a Euclidean mind, an earthly mind, and therefore it is not for us to resolve things that are not of this world . . ."

          {brothers.k.}

Faith: Inner attitude, conviction, or trust relating man to a supreme God or ultimate salvation. In religious traditions stressing divine grace, it is the inner certainty or attitude of love granted by God himself. In Christian theology, faith is the divinely inspired human response to God's historical revelation through Jesus Christ and, consequently, is of crucial significance.

It Won't Be Long

My beautiful daughter is 6 months old today. Just yesterday Eric and I were bringing her home from the hospital in the pouring rain... somehow I haven't noticed the rain a day since, because holding her makes any dark or dreary cloud disappear. Sometimes I look at her, and the power of love I feel hits me like a ton of bricks and nearly overwhelms me. I have the privilege of getting to go through the rest of my life with this beautiful person. I get to see her sweet smile every day, and hold her tight each night. I get to rub her chubby little cheek and tickle her tiny little feet. I was put on this Earth to be her mother, and am so blessed to accept that job from God.

 

I lay down right beside her

till her eyes are finally closed

just watching her it breaks my heart

cause I already know

it won't be like this for long

                                                                      {darius}

Today. Right Now.

Stop talking about love. Every asshole in the world says he loves somebody. It means nothing. It still doesn't mean anything. What you feel only matters to you. It's what you do to the people you say you love, that's what matters. It's the only thing that counts.

***************************************************

Michael: I'll do anything.
Stephen: People say that, they don't mean it.
Michael: But I mean it!
Stephen: Well it's very simple... do whatever it takes.
Michael: It's that simple?
Stephen: Yes... you can't fail if you don't give up.

{the.last.kiss.}


____________________________________

April Wheeler: It takes backbone to lead the life you want, Frank.

***************************************************

Frank Wheeler: We're gonna be okay.
April Wheeler: I hope so. I really hope so.

***************************************************


April Wheeler: No, Frank. This is what's unrealistic. It's unrealistic for a man with a fine mind to go on working year after year at a job he can't stand. Coming home to a place he can't stand, to a wife who's equally unable to stand the same things. And you know what the worst part of it is? Our whole existence here is based on this great premise that we're special. They we're superior to the whole thing. But we're not. We're just like everyone else! We bought into the same, ridiculous delusion. That we have to resign from life and settle down the moment we have children. And we've been punishing each other for it.

{revolutionary.road}

Shhhh

Be still, and know that I am God. {Psalm 46:10}

Times, They Are A Changin'

Times have changed and times are strange
Here I come , But I ain't the same
Mama, I'm Coming Home


Times gone by seem to be
You could have been a better friend to me
Mama, I'm Coming Home
Took me in and you drove me out
Yeah, you had me hypnotized


Lost and found and turned around
By the fire in your eyes
You made me cry, told me lies
But, I can't stand to say goodbye
Mama, I'm Coming Home


I could be right, I could be wrong
Hurts so bad, it's been so long
Mama, I'm Coming Home


Selfish love yeah we're both alone
The ride before a fall
But I'm gonna take this heart of stone
I just got to have it all


I've seen your face a hundered times
Everyday we've been apart
I don't care about the sunshine, yeah
'Cause Mama, Mama, I'm Coming Home
I'm Coming Home

{.ozzy.}

Nothing

I stared at my reflection and the trees behind it for a long time. Not thinking anything. Not feeling anything. Not hearing the record. For hours. Something really is wrong with me. And I don't know what it is.

          xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I’d do anything not to be this way. I’d do anything to make it up to everyone. And to not have to see a psychiatrist, who explains to me about being “passive aggressive.” And to not have to take the medicine he gives me, which is too expensive for my dad. And to not have to talk about bad memories with him. Or be nostalgic about bad things.

        {perks.}

Story.Tellin